Here, Now

My mom (I write about her a lot here… She’s a genius, you should meet her) tells me all the time “Wherever you go, there you are.” I understand that, but it’s a hard concept for me to grasp fully in every moment.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be somewhere else. I’m a very driven person, but not necessarily by money or things. I understand though, very deeply, that there’s something More  here on Earth and in life than what we see on the surface. There’s something here for us to be striving for. Something, or some-things, fundamental to human consciousness that we’re to discover. I’ve always searched for the idea or place that will bring me to that More. Maybe I’ll find it in this of my many skills or passions. Maybe I’ll find it by moving here or dating this person.

What I’m learning in my present moment and circumstance is that maybe here, now is the More I’ve been searching for?  Maybe, being here, now, fully within whatever my Intention is for that moment is the only place I need to be?

But that’s HARD. We live in a world that functions – I’d say almost entirely – on distraction. We need this job or salary to distract us from this pressure at home. Or this type of significant other to distract us from our shit job or inability to pay our bills. We need this app or this watch or this phone or this car or this book or this friend. 

The list goes on, right?

I take my dog on relatively the same mile and a half loop around our neighborhood for a walk several times a week. Tonight, I really wanted distraction, but I knew after grappling with so many things all day that neither obsession nor distraction would manifest the change in my heart I was looking for.

I decided to practice my mindfulness during the walk instead of dwell in my brain’s endless loop.

That walk, my friends, was excruciating. I kid you not, every second step I was bringing myself back to Center. I was reeling myself in from my loop and tapping into my awareness of where I was and what I was experiencing in the moment. It helped that the sidewalk was icy as all get out, so getting too distracted would have meant falling on my face…

So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior. -Pema Chödrön

Let me just say this: I am extremely grateful that meditation is something we practice. Some days, I am the freaking Dalai Lama (or so I think…). I am here, now, and it’s freaking wonderful. And some days, I’m just human and presence sucks and it’s hard.  Some days I’m human and it’s hard for me to not react and to articulate my sane thoughts from my insane ones.

But harder things are good. Harder things are better. 

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